The Default-Parent Problem

Estes, an education-policy consultant in Washington, D.C., wondered why she’d think his wife would better handle an impossible diaper change. Schools, pediatricians, random passersby—so many people assume that Mom knows what’s going on with the family, and that Dad does not. If a child has a problem, they think, the first step is to contact the mother—no matter where she is or what she might be doing. The flight attendant walked past Miller’s husband and approached Miller to tell her to go help her baby calm down. Nevertheless, treating mothers as the default parent when they don’t want to be can add annoyingness to their already annoyance-filled lives.